Eros has his arrows.
An arrow can be fun.
I see it now, its magic tip
Just glistening in the sun
But when you pierce me, Eros,
Try to shoot just one.
Fun is fine, but oh my gods,
After that I’m done.

(CHORUS)
Love is a bitch,
and that bitch’s name is Helen
Love can have a hitch,
And that hitch’s name is Helen.
What a bitch.

My lover’s arms are mighty
muscled, brown, and lean
When he holds me gently
I feel like I’m his queen.
But if between my queenly thighs
A cowherd should be seen
My lover would then show me
My other lover’s spleen

(CHORUS)
Love is a bitch,
and that bitch’s name is Helen
Love can have a hitch,
And that hitch’s name is Helen.
What a bitch.

Paris was a cowherd,
who liked to play his pipe
There among his fleshy cows
a goddess thought him ripe
Fate brought him to Helen,
Turned out he was her type
Perhaps she thought her king might have
Just one minor gripe…

That she’s a bitch.
So he went to war for Helen
Love can have a hitch,
And that hitch’s name is Helen.
I wish there was a switch
I mean a stick, to beat up Helen
What a bitch.