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Unauthorized Magic in Oz script excerpt

by Edward Einhorn

Copyright 2005 by Edward Einhorn. All rights reserved. Contact Edward Einhorn if you are interested in obtaining performace rights.

Good Ugly and Bad Beautiful

 (The Munchkin Forest.  DR. MAJESTICO’s house sits, smoke coming out of the chimney.  Next to it, the LIVING HOUSE is snoring.  It suddenly wakes up, with a start.)


Oh.  Hello there. I didn’t see—how long have you been sitting there?  Sorry, I’ve been napping and, well—you didn’t see anything while I was asleep, did you?  No, witches, or anything?

(A shadow of BUDDY’S MOTHER appears behind one of the eyes.  The blind snaps closed)

Sorry, something in my eye.  Don’t pay attention to—

(BUDDY’S MOTHER appears behind the other eye. She cackles.  That blind snaps closed.)

Well, maybe there is a witch inside.  Of sorts.  She calls herself a sorceress.  But she’ a good sorceress.  Like Glinda, you’ve probably heard of her.

(BUDDY’S MOTHER appears downstairs.)

Even if this sorceress doesn’t look the part.

(BUDDY’S MOTHER cackles again.)

 Or sound it.  But listen, you can’t tell anyone about her.  Especially Glinda.  You see, there’s this law that’s been passed, which says that nobody is allowed to practice magic in Oz, absolutely nobody.  Except Glinda.  And the Wizard.  And Princess Ozma.  But other than that, nobody.  There have been too many wicked witches around for any exceptions.  Any more exceptions, that is.

(BUDDY appears is the bushes between the two houses.)

That’s Buddy.   He’s the son of that sorceress that we just agreed not to talk about.

buddy’s mother

Have fun, Buddy!

(BUDDY gives an embarrassed sigh and his mother leaves the window

He doesn’t practice any magic.  But he knows a lot of people who do, including the man who lives inside of the house next to me.  His name is Dr. Majestico.  Buddy’s hiding in the bushes because, well, Dr. Majestico’s magic can be kind of dangerous sometimes.

(OMBY AMBY peers out.)

That soldier’s name is Omby Amby.  He works for Glinda.  Which is why it is particularly important that we all keep quiet about you know who doing you know what.

(DR. MAJESTICO’s house begins to smoke again.)

Did I mention Dr Majestico’s magic can be sort of dangerous?  Perhaps I’ll just watch from a little further back, for the moment.

(THE LIVING HOUSE stands up and backs away.)

omby amby

Why is all that smoke coming out of his house?


Keep down!

(They duck down.  There is an explosion.  The front of DR. MAJESTICO’s house flips up, revealing DR. MAJESTICO inside, holding a potion.)

Dr. Majestico

Nein nein nein nein nein!

BUddy (OS)

Dr. Majestico?

Dr. Majestico

Ya, Buddy, is nice to see you, but I am very busy at ze moment.


Hello, Dr. Majestico, I am Omby Amby, Captain General of—

Dr. Majestico

Ya, hold zis please.

(BUDDY and OMBY AMBY enter.  OMBY AMBY is holding a potion.  DR. MAJESTICO no longer has the potion.)


Well, yes, very well, but as I was saying—


Ze problem is zat it is impossible!

omby amby

What is impossible?

Dr. majestico



Dr. Majestico is trying to destroy his house.

omby amby



Because it’s indestructible.

omby amby

If it’s indestructible, how can he destroy it?

Dr. Majestico

Zat is ze problem!


It’s because of a parrot-ox.

omby amby

A paradox?


No, a parrot-ox, half parrot, half ox, and dedicated to doing the completely impossible.  This parrot-ox gave Dr. Majestico an indestructible house, on the condition that Dr. Majestico could find an irresistible explosion to destroy it.  Which he can’t.

omby amby

Because it’s impossible.



omby amby

But I don’t understand.  What’s the point?

dr.  majestico

Ze point?  Ze point?  Ze point is, can it be done?  Zis is how an experiment vorks.  You ask, can it be done?  If it can be done, ya, zis is brilliant.

omby amby

And if it can’t?

dr. majestico

Zis is also brilliant.  As long as you can prove it.